Are You Playing the Blame Game?
Blame and game – two words that should never be joined together. The truth is, the blame game is no fun to play and there are never any winners. And, perhaps, the biggest loser of all is the one who is doing all the blaming. When we blame others, we lose our power. Remaining stuck in our feelings of anger, resentment or abandonment only hurts us, not the other person. They eventually move on while we continue our lives feeling mad at the entire world!
If you’ve been playing the blame game, here are some ideas to consider:
Blaming Takes Away Your Personal Power
When we’re busy blaming others for what we think isn't going right in our lives, we make the choice to be a victim of how our life is playing out. Even our inner critic gets in on the action, by trying to even blame you for any wrongs done to you! Pay attention to what you are feeling when you make the choice to put blame on someone. Chances are that feeling isn't very positive and how you feel drives all your actions and behaviors leading to your own life result. If we were coaching together I would challenge you to begin to move your thoughts from what you are thinking that moves you to react in a blaming way into a thought that empowers you. In doing so, you start to free yourself and create a feeling that moves away from negativity and positions you to act and behave in a way that ultimately serves you!
When you stop playing the blame game, you give yourself the time and space to move ahead, stepping into your future and out of your past. Remember, you cannot fully show up in your "now" and you stifle yourself from creating your future.
Are You an Emotional Child or Emotional Adult?
We've all experienced an adult who emotionally hasn't matured, acting out as if they were a child. This is the adult who reacts to their emotions by acting out or avoids emotions altogether rather than taking full responsibility for their thinking, feeling, and behavior. Sound at all familiar? This is why it is so important to recognize that the only thing we have complete control of is how we choose to think, feel and act. We are in charge of how we think and we are in charge of how we feel. When we are functioning as emotional children, we are blaming other people for how we feel, for how we act, and for results we get in our life. Ask yourself why you want to give them all that power instead of keeping it for yourself? The only way to achieve emotional maturity is through self-responsibility. Here's what it looks like:
- Taking responsibility for our pain and also our joy.
- Not expecting other people to "make" us happy.
- Not expecting others to "make" us feel secure.
- Appreciating we are the only ones who can hurt our feelings and that we do so with our own thoughts.
Don't get me wrong. Taking responsibility for every single thing we feel, no matter what someone else does or doesn't do is challenging to be sure! AND PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME. I am NOT saying that you should feel all rainbows and daisies no matter what someone says to you or how they choose to behave toward you. Life is full of painful happenings and there are plenty of unkind, hurtful people that we share our life's space with. It's important to pay attention to your feelings. This is where we would work together on recognizing the feeling and your thought that leads to it. Then and only then, can you choose to set yourself free from it.
Don't Lose Your Freedom in Casting Blame
Blame is a master and we are its slave. IT calls the shots, not us. IT tells us we must be miserable and resentful and angry all of the time. IT tells us to be tired and stressed and hopeless. When we stop playing the blame game, we free ourselves from the chains that bind us and keep us from pursuing the life we want. Feeling hurt, disappointed, enraged, frustrated, angry.............Feel it~ BUT... Here's the GREAT NEWS! You get to then give the feeling and the thought behind it an expiration date. You get to decide and choose a new way of thinking that will have a ripple effect leading to a more self-serving and healthy feeling that creates the action of forward movement away from a wrong-doing you may have experienced. Now that's freeing power!
Have you been bogged down and stifled by holding on to blame? Ready to be set free of it?
Are You Ready to Get Started?
I welcome you to click the button below and schedule a time to spend 30- minutes with me, no cost to you as my gift, to experience being coached.
On the call we will:
- Help you get started on tackling a challenge you are dealing with;
- Discuss the benefits of working together, and
- You will walk away with at least 1 coaching tool and strategy that you can immediately put into action!
For FAQ regarding coaching, please feel free to click on this link: http://joanneroyerphd.com/service-philosophy/