Compassionate Observer
Loving Feelings of Disappointment
I was talking to a lovely woman the other day. She shared with me feeling very hurt and was holding on with a death grip, feelings she had toward someone she loved. She was holding on to hurt and rage and in the end, she ended up reaping the consequences. Her rage and hurt and disappointment led her to take inaction on her own self-care and self-love. Someone who she loves disappointed her. They didn't show up emotionally as she needed them to. My lovely young woman was stuck in the disappointment she was feeling about the person she loved. The mind was trying to help her make sense of the "why" behind this person's action. The mind tried to help her understand and she chose to go down the rabbit hole of rationalizing. Rationalizing "why" she was treated the way she was by this person she loved. Rationalizing "why" she was treated this way when she shows up herself with others as loving, sensitive, with wide open arms (and since she's not perfect either, I challenged that she 100% shows up that way). My lovely young woman got to the point with all the critical thinking that she was spending time on about herself, of questioning if she herself should change the way she is? As a career woman, as a Mom, as a friend, as a partner. I asked her one question: "Is this typical behavior for the person you love?" "Yes". The lovely young woman replied. She's that way with everyone. Everyone talks about having the same experience. She shows up this way with EVERYONE. Boom. This wasn't about her. The lovely young woman was making it about her.
Unconditional Love Means Checking Your Ego at the Door
If we truly love someone, we need to respect where they are. How they show up. I'm not saying that you can't put boundaries around how you are treated. Yes, please do. What I am suggesting is the invitation to stand in a place of love with them and for them and view them from the perspective of a compassionate observer. Can you see them from a place of compassion? Even if you need to pretend that you feel compassionate toward them. What would that look like? How would your eyes see them? If you take the Ego out of the equation, yes, your Ego, and be a compassionate observer, you then remove taking someone else's behavior personally. Then you have freed your emotions up to decide next, how you choose to respond. What your action will be. How you can show up as your best Self while you stand in love for them.
In Gratitude for the Process
I am grateful in my own journey that I can see the process I went through and am still going through to build upon being more compassionate toward myself so that I can show up that way with others. It's easy to take for granted who we are today and the process we went through to get here. It's typical to think the thought "how come everyone else around me doesn't also get it?" Be grateful for where you are today. For who you are today. For where you've come from in your own development. You are the fortunate one. Many around you aren't' there yet. And, they may not be ready. Practice compassion today toward yourself. Only then can you also be a compassionate observer to those you hold dear. If you are holding on tight to feelings or emotions about someone else that you cannot shake and you are ready to move forward from the weight it is placing on your heart, I've got a gift for you that is FREE. My gift of 30-minutes to experience what it is like to be coached and create an action plan on working through the thought keeping you unclear as to where to start. On the call we will:
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- You will walk away with at least 1 coaching tool and strategy that you can immediately put into action!
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