3 Things Happy People Do Differently
Do a search right now on Amazon books on the topic of “Happiness” and you will be directed to page after page of titles, all claiming to have the secret to finding it. Why our obsession with happiness? Maybe the better questions are, why does happiness seem to elude so many people?
At one time, humans were too busy running from Sabre-Tooth Tigers and searching for food to be concerned with whether or not they were happy. But, thanks to drive-thru windows, penicillin and financial security, modern man has extended his mortality and now has the time to focus on self-growth.
An expanding body of research has also suggested that happiness doesn’t just feel good, it is linked to other benefits such as better immune-system function and higher earnings. No wonder so many of us pine for it.
But what is happiness exactly? We feel happy when we are with the people we love. We feel happy when we’re watching a funny movie or eating our favorite pasta dish. But happiness seems more than just an emotion because emotions are fleeting and transient.
So, what is it then?
Happiness is a state of mind, and as such, (here's the great news) can be deliberately and intentionally felt.
If you are a reader of my blogs then you know that in my opinion, what we think always comes before any emotional we feel. Feeling happy? Then ask yourself what is your thought behind your feeling. Want even better news? If you think a thought that leads to you feeling happy, and your feeling drives your behavior, then you may just be seen doing a happy dance. This is good news because it means we can intentionally make choices that lead to a positive state of mind – AKA happiness.
This is good news because it means we can intentionally make choices that lead to a positive state of mind – AKA happiness.
Ever take a moment to talk to people around you that always seem happy? Here are some tips as to what helps them stay in a place of "happy":
They Understand Growth is Painful
Many people play life safe. They eat at the same restaurants, vacation at the same place every year and spend time with the same people. But sustained happiness is not about being safe and settled. It’s about discovery and growth, which require life lived outside of your comfort zone.
They Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff and they are not perfectionists. Rather, they possess a devil-may-care attitude about their performance. A review of research literature found that the happiest people, those who scored a 9 or 10 out of 10 on measures of life satisfaction, typically didn’t perform as well as moderately happy people in accomplishments such as grades, class attendance or work salaries.
This is not to say that we should all stop trying our best. But it does suggest that it’s okay to sacrifice some degree of achievement if it means we don’t have to buy into stereotypic belief systems that cause us to think thoughts that don't serve us well down the road. They are willing to take a look at their thinking and ask themselves if it creates feelings that are less than tolerable with results that ultimately lead to an unwanted and unpleasant emotional spin-cycle.
They Feel Their Feelings
You would think that really happy people are happy all the time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Psychologically healthy people are those that understand the importance of letting some things roll off their backs as well as feeling their genuine emotions. Happy people don’t deny their uncomfortable emotions, they don’t sweep them under the rug. They know that feelings come and go and can't ultimately hurt them. They choose to pay attention to unpleasant, uncomfortable emotions, pinpoint their thinking behind it so that they can they choose to think and feel differently. In doing so, they show up differently in their lives and create different life results.
For instance, a happy person might feel jealous because a coworker got a promotion and they didn’t. These people don’t wallow in the feeling of jealousy. They see this emotion as a signal that they could have done something differently to achieve a more desirable outcome.
Time to Get Your "Happy" On
When was the last time you felt happy? Today? Yesterday? Can you get in touch with what you were thinking? What your happiness drove you to do? And what was the end result? Those are all gifts to recall so that you can draw upon that feeling and thought when you find yourself challenged by your inner critic, sending you thoughts that may not bring on "happy".
Has it been a while since you've felt happy? Are you having difficulty remembering how "happy" felt? Then take a step forward to change that and give me a call - what do you have to lose? Let's look at some of those thoughts that may be getting in your way and keeping you stuck. Time to kick your inner critic to the curb and become reacquainted with "happy" once again.
I welcome you to click the button below and schedule a time to spend 30- minutes with me, no cost and no obligation, to experience being coached.
On the call we will:
- Help you get started on tackling a challenge you are dealing with;
- Discuss the benefits of working together, and
- You will walk away with at least 1 coaching tool and strategy that you can immediately put into action!
Photo by Jade Masri on Unsplash