Emotional Manipulation

Let's be honest here for a moment. Chances are you allow yourself to be affected by other's behavior toward you. Chances are you want to impact how other's behave toward you. Yes, you do. You are human. You have an ego (we all do). And, of course, it doesn't "feel" good when things don't either go the way you want it to or you "think" you are being treated unfairly by someone else's behavior. You may feel rejected. You may feel unimportant. You may feel disrespected. You may feel angry. It all comes down to emotional manipulation. People try to do it to us and we try to do it to others, not consciously mind you.

Here's the Truth.

You cannot control other's thoughts, feelings or actions. Other people cannot control your thoughts, feelings or actions (unless you allow them to). When your sister gives you the cold shoulder, when your partner is snarky with you, when your friend is, yet again, a half hour later in meeting you without calling, chances are, unless these are isolated one-time incidents, they behave this way time and again. Could it be that their behavior is their behavior? Could it be that their behavior is how they choose to react? Choose to behave? That their behavior is all about them and not you?

What Are You Making It Mean?

Your inner critic will want to make their behavior all about you:

  • You didn't do your best to support your sister in her time of need.
  • You didn't ask your partner first if he had plans to watch the game with the boys when you planned a surprise special dinner for the two of you.
  • You should have reminded your friend what time the two of you were meeting for drinks.

Ask yourself what you make their behavior mean? It's your thought about their behavior that makes the behavior a problem for you and your feeling is tied to your thought.

Today's Challenge:

Can you, for today, practice letting your sister, partner, friend, be who they are? Can you practice for today, allowing your sister, partner or friend, feel what they feel? Afterall, you know the rule, if they are acting or behaving in a certain way, it's their feeling that is driving their behavior that is tied to a thought they are having. That's about them, not you. Take responsibility today for how you choose to think and feel. Today, can you love the person and allow them to be who they are, to feel what they choose AND hold space for them to do so? When you can come from this place your choice in action may create a different result.